Lost marbles

"Solute is like marbles.  This column is ' How many marbles did you loose?'"

One liners from my date

I went on a date last night.  These are some of the things I heard.  (It was a double date, so not all of these are from him.)
"The funny thing is, hipster is so mainstream now, it's not hipster anymore."
"Who turned on the sun?"
"You can assume that I'll say something completely stupid and rediculous, and you'll be right."

Hipster Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He took a bite of his pizza before it was cool.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's a really obscure number.  You've probably never heard of it.

Procrastionation 1, Diligence 0

In my cognition, class every week we have to read and summarize a primary research article.  On the class website there were two articles posted this week.  One of the students asked which one we were expected to report on.  When the professor told us, another student said, "Aw man!  I'm almost done with my report on the other one."  The guy sitting next to him replied, "That's what you get for trying to get ahead.  Lesson one, procrastinate."

Japanese Smell Research

Someone talking with the TA in Sensation and Perception:  "The last day of class is a week from Tuesday."  "I thought it was two weeks from last Tuesday."  "That's the same thing.  We're just talking about different Tuesdays."

In cognition we are talking about language.  You hear either a D or a T, an L sound or an R sound not something in the middle.  "In Asian languages there is no distinction between l and r.  That's why it's impossible for a Japanese to say something like glomerulus.  Aren't you glad you're not a Japanese smell researcher?"  (Glomeruli are structures on the olfactory bulb in the brain.  They are the first brain region where smell is processed.)

One Man Band

Today I was listening to "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes on the radio as I drove home from the grocery store.  When the song was over the DJ said, "Hunter Hayes has more talent in his little finger than you and I have in our whole bodies.  He wrote that song, he sang that song, he played every instrument in that song.  He is literally like a one man band."

Let's Make Sure Our Priorities Are Straight

"A couple of things before we jump into the lecture.  First and most important, I'm second in our march madness bracket..."

Did I ever mention how much I love Cognition?

As we were talking about reasoning and decision making in class this morning, we discussed the optimism bias.  The optimism bias refers to the fact that people in general think they are smarter, prettier, stronger, better, etc. than they actually are.  "Then there are some people that have a more realistic view of themselves and the world.  These realists tend to be depressed.  So take your pick.  Realistic, but depressed or optimistic, but wrong."

Later, we were talking about sunk costs.  Sunk cost is when you continue investing in something that is not paying off, because you don't want to lose your investment.  

Professor: But we don't do this in real life, right?  Wrong.  Does this sound familiar?  "You really should stop seeing him.  He's a loser."  "But then all that time will be a waste."  There are going to be so many break-ups this weekend.

Student:  Thanks to you we're all now going to be depressed and single.

March Madness

In one of my classes we are having a bracket tournament.  In a study group for that class, we are (naturally) watching the game instead of studying.  "Thank you Marquette.  You just saved a bunch of people's march madness brackets, mine included."

Later, some random kid at the library: March madness is great.  March comes, its still winter, you are sick of school drudging along, Then there is this glorious escape we call march madness that is a great excuse not to pay attention in class.  Most of the time we watch it in class.

Grad students

So first we watched this movie.  (You only have to watch the first ten seconds to get the joke, but the whole thing is interesting.)

Professor:  Grad students will do anything.  I once paid a guy $50 for all his white blood cells.  It's like donating plasma, but worse.  "I'll give you 50 bucks for your immune system."  Sadly, he's dead now.  He's really not, but I do wonder why he doesn't want to work for me anymore.

Other Gems from today

At my institute class, we were talking about the "Mormon glow".  The teacher told this story.  She was outside a restaurant looking at the menu in the window.  As she walked to the light, a man came out and stopped her.  He said, "There's something about you.  I don't know what it is, but you're kind of sparkly."  I leaned over to the person sitting next to me and whispered, "Vampire.  Yes!"

I was at the grocery store, in the produce section.
Guy: I don't eat bananas anymore.
Girl: Why?
Guy: They're one of the worst foods you can eat.
Girl:  Where'd you hear that?
Guy (somewhat sheepishly): I read it on the internet.

Dinner Group

I'm part of a dinner group.  We take turns making dinner for each other.  Here are some of the better parts of today.

I accidentally asked Micheal and Brady a question right as Brady put some food in his mouth.  I said, "Sorry.  I hate it when people do that."  For the rest of the night, Brady and/or Micheal asked me something every time I took a bite.  Stephanie came late and I asked "How was your day?  Before you start eating."  Brady heard this and after Steph told us, asked her something, I don't remember what, right as she took her first bite.  As awful as I felt, I had to laugh.

Cory always puts on music when we go to his place.
Cory: Here's a song.  It's a Festival of Colors song.
Stephanie: What does this have to do with festival of colors?
Carolyn pantomimes something.
Stephanie: That is the worst explanation I have ever seen.

What do priests do for fun?

Talking about decision making in Cognition this morning...

Professor: Chris is 6'7", 300 pounds, has 12 tattoos, was a champion pro wrestler, owns a pitbull, and has been arrested for beating a man with a chain.  Is Chris more likely to be a motorcycle gang member or a priest?
Students: Gang member
Professor: Why do you think that?
Student 1: Most priests don't get arrested for beating people with chains.
Student 2: It's one of his preistly duties.
Student 3: Beat those sins away!

???

I know this is blog is called "Random things I heard," but I couldn't resist this one.

Don't get me wrong, it works great, but I feel weird knowing "the stripper" is in my bathroom.  The  "take it all off" doesn't help much either.

In physics this morning, the professor said, "It has to be in between. If you put it on top, it won't do anything. At that point the light is already dead. It's been killed. We can't resurrect dead light."  It was pretty funny until he said, "That's pretty funny.  I'd never thought of that one before."  If even you realize that your reused jokes aren't that good, you probably should stop using them.

Highlights of Cell Biology Today

"I got up this morning and looked at my calendar and the best part of my day today is teaching microtubules.  I'm not sure if that's bad or good."

"When I was in your seats, literally, I thought things would get better.  They don't.  I turned something in at 1:55 right before I came here."

"The singlet is your standard vanilla flavor of microtubule."

"That's another good test question.  Write that down."  To the TA, "Remind me to put that on the test."

"I'm going to show you a video that blows my mind.  I don't know if you'll be impressed."

The Weekend

Friday, I was in one of the Laboratory buildings on campus.  Someone from one of the labs said, as I walked past, "As much as I like killing mice..."

Saturday, my nephew Max read an ABC book to me.  It went something like this: A, crocodile.  B, boat.  C, lizard.  D. dinosaur.  E. elephant... J, pants... O, monkey...Q, duck...W, tent.
A was an alligator; C was a chameleon  J for jeans; O, orangutan; Q, quack; and W, wigwam.

That night, we were playing games.  My little sister wanted to play a game that none of us had played before.  No one else wanted to learn how to play a new game, because it was getting late.  We told her that it was already 11.  She said, "No it's not."  "Look at the clock."  "That's not a real clock."  Oh?  Then what is it?

Mush?

My little brother Riley, my friend Jeff, and I are having a discussion of the things my brother can and cannot cook.  Jeff is asking the questions because I already know what Riley can't cook, which is basically everything.
Rice?  I can, but I don't like it.  Frozen pizza?  Yeah.  Pasta? No.  Oatmeal?  Mush?  (I don't know where that came from, I didn't know mush was considered a food.)  Me: Mush yes, oatmeal, I don't know.  Jeff: What?  How?  They're basically the same thing!

No they are not.  This is the story of when Riley made "mush" for dinner.  My mom had started working full time, and I was a senior in high school, so she decided that we all needed to learn how to cook, so we each had a night that we were in charge of making dinner.  It was Riley's night, Monday I believe, and he was going to make spaghetti.  He cooked some angel hair, but it wasn't enough so he added some spaghetti to the already cooked angel hair.  Needless to say, it didn't turn out very well.  We ended up with a ball of paste.  No one was brave enough to taste it, not even the dog.  We were on our own for dinner that night.

A Cell is Like a City

Cell Biology

Student:  Are you speaking today, and what is your talk about?
Dr. Bearss: Yes.  It's about how we take discoveries in the lab, and apply them for clinical use.  If you want to hear that lecture, I can give that instead.  It's a lot more interesting than actin.

Later:  

Yep.  This is cell biology not civil engineering.  No one wants to learn about roads.  ;)

I literally laughed out loud when I saw this.

Extraterrestrials, Easter, and the Devil

In Biochem

Dr. Graves:  If we replace [ES] with [E_t], not to be confused with the movie, we get this very messy looking equation.

In Sensation and Perception

Dr. Kirwan: Doesn't anyone want to know how I know Monday is the 11th?

Student #1: The test.

Student #2:  It's your birthday.

Dr Kirwan:  No, my birthday is in October.  It would be cool to have a March Birthday, though.  Then you would have something to look forward to in March besides St. Patrick's Day.  

Student #3: Easter is in March this year

Student #1:  How do they decide when Easter is?

Dr Kirwan:  The moon.

Student #4:  So there's no Easter committee?

Student #3:  No rabbits get together to decide?

Student #5:  Anyway...

Dr Kirwan:  What did we talk about last time?  Oh yeah, attention.

Next Class, Same Teacher

Dr. Kirwan:  What did we talk about last time?

Student:  Memory deficits

Shay Jo

Stop trying to tempt me you servant of Satan!

Pant-socks and Missions

Today I babysat my cousins, Levi and Ava.  Ava recently turned three, and wanted to wear a dress.  It was not snowing, but there was still snow on the ground from the last storm and it was cold outside, so I put some tights on her so she wouldn't get too cold.  She seemed a little confused as to what they were, so I told her, "These are tights.  They're kind of like pants and socks put together."  She said, "Oh.  They feel like socks."  For the rest of the day, she called them her "pant-socks".  

Later, I was looking at the globe in the living room, when Levi (who is 7) asked, "Have you been on a mission?"  I said, "No, not yet.  Have you?"  I fully expected a reply of no (since he hasn't), but what I got was, "Yep."  I said, "Oh?  Where did you go?"  He replied, "I went to that one place that starts with a ch-."  He muttered to himself for a little while trying to remember what the name of his ch- place was.  Eventually he yelled, "Chicago!"  Ha ha.  These kids crack me up.  :)